Are Men and Women Wired Differently?

“Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other.  Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.”

– Katherine Hepburn


I just had the most delicious conversation with my dear friend Tam.  She and I have been friends for over 30 years.  When we talk, we go straight to heart level, which I value so much and crave so deeply.  As a woman, this need for deep heart connection is so important to me. And this brings me to the essence of this post,  yet another layer of stuff my husband and I are working through. 

I won’t go into the full background of the latest turmoil, it’s more than a argument or disagreement – it feels like a deep mis-understanding of the sexes.  Our communication feels like he’s trying to connect from the head and me from the heart, and I end up feeling like a bleeding mess in a puddle in the corner and he is trying to analize why and how it happened and what exactly was said to get there and what words can deal with it. 

After talking to Tam and to my sister and a couple of other friends, I noticed once again, not surprisingly that men and women really communicate differently. So I decided to do some research, and I found that it’s not surprising that we communicate so differently because research shows that men’s brains don’t work the same way that women’s brains work.   There is so much new research out there showing us beyond a shadow of a doubt that men and women are wired differently.

According to psychologist Simon Baron-Cohen, the female brain is wired to empathize and the male brain is characterized by its tendency to systemize. The male brain seeks to develop a set of logical rules that guide another person’s behavior. When a man can’t understand someone else’s behavior through logic, he tends to become confused about how to proceed.  Women, on the other hand, may be more empathetic because their brains’ mirror neurons are more sensitive than men’s. Mirror neurons cause us to imitate emotions and actions that we’re exposed to. One theory is that women’s mirror neurons allow them to more easily hone in on another person’s emotional cues.

This quote just made so much sense to me!  I get so frustrated because it feels like my husband is trying to understand me “logically” – and does not understand emotional cues.  But if he’s not wired to do so, can I hold this against him?  Ah there’s the rub.  So I guess we just keep trying to find the common ground, and to work through this morass called relationship.

This video clip is a long one, well over an hour, but if you are interested in this subject, please do take the time to watch it, it offers some fascinating information on the brain differences between men and women.

 

 

I’d love to hear what helps you communicate better and how you make your relationships work. And as always thanks for stopping by, I appreciate it.

 

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Understanding Happiness – Love and Happiness

“Love consists of overestimating the differences between one woman and another.”

– George Bernard Shaw


In my previous post, I talked about the second talk in Understanding Happiness, a wonderful course offered on iTunes U. That course was by the “father” of Positive Psychology, Martin Seligman.   The first talk was the one I discussed in Paying Attention to Happiness, in which Nancy Etcoff explores the Surprising Science of Happiness.

In the third talk, Dr. Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist, tells us why we love and cheat and it’s relationship to happiness.  Facinating!  A great talk on love, happiness and the brain. This was kind of timely for me in that it mirrored a conversation my husband, Jeff and I had sitting in bed this morning.  He is possibly taking a job in Borneo for a year, and could be leaving as soon as next month. Well even after 23 years of happy marriage, sigh, I still do feel some jealousy.  And the thought of him away for a year feels, well disconcerting.  Of course I’ll miss him, and practically speaking, I’ll miss the stuff he does around here.  But there is also that little painful piece of fear that he’ll find some gorgeous woman there and have passionate sex! Sigh, I wish I could say I was much more mature and secure than all that , but there it is.  I found this talk by Dr. Fisher both entertaining and informative. And I have to agree with one of the women who commented on the video:

This talk is comforting and disconcerting all at once.

Please let me know your thoughts Helen Fisher’s TED talk at iTunes U, and I’d love to hear your thoughts on love and cheating.

And as always thank you for taking the time to visit, I appreciate it.