More on being right or being happy . . .

“Do you prefer that you be right or happy?”

– A Course in Miracles


It’s been very interesting – I have received so many emails, Facebook comments, Twitters and personal conversations about my last post – Right or Happy?  Not always an easy decision.  It seems to have touched a chord in many people.  As a matter of fact, one article claims that this is the most quoted line from A Course in Miracles.

Do you prefer that you be right or happy?” This is surely one of the most frequently quoted lines in the Course, especially when Course students are engaged in a debate of some sort. When someone expresses a strong conviction—a belief that he or she is right about something—this line is often used to suggest that being right and being happy are mutually exclusive. You can either stand up for what you believe is right or you can be happy. There is no way you can be bothright and happy; this line from the Course says that you must give up any and all desire to be right in order to be happy. It has become a part of Course lore that we can be right or we can be happy, and never the twain shall meet.”

I don’t know if that’s true, that never the twain shall meet.  But I’ve talked to so many people in the last week who claim that this was the main cause of their divorce or separation from a loved one.  I know that when Jeff and I get in arguments, we usually back ourselves into our separate corners and argue our point, trying in vain to prove we are right.  Just as an aside, I’m about 5 foot tall and Jeff is over 6 foot tall.  We had a counselor once who suggested I stand on a chair when we argue to even us up so I don’t have to look up to him when trying to prove my point.  That one act, standing on a chair, usually helps to end the argument, not necessarily so I can argue my point better, but because it makes us laugh! And this eases the way for us to come out of the respective corners that we’ve been backed ourselves into and start to communicate differently. A sense of humor makes all the difference in the world.

There is an inspiring article about being right or happy on one of my favorite blogs, Positively Positive. Well worth a read.

This little video about being right or happy is kind of fun.  (The video ended up being an advertisement for starting your own business, which I’m not advocating, but the beginning of the vid is fun anyway.)

 

 

I’d love to hear about your experiences being Right or Happy.

And as always thank you for taking the time to visit, I appreciate it.

 

 

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Right or Happy? Not always an easy decision.

“Would you rather be right or happy.”

– Hugh Prather


I was on a beautiful bike ride yesterday on the new Hauraki Rail Trail.  It was a beautiful day, sunny and stunning.

The only problem was that on the first part of the journey, my husband Jeff and I were in an argument.  The argument wasn’t huge, it was a revisit of a common theme.  I tend to hyperbolize things . . . (OK and occasionally make stuff up to make a better story), and Jeff tends to want the TRUTH with a capital T in most situations.  On this particular occasion, I was talking about something financial, and I did a bit of spinning a tale, and Jeff reacted, in my opinion over-reacted.

I won’t bore you with details, but suffice it to say that it somewhat ruined the first half of the ride for me.  At the spot where we were going to turn around, Jeff put on his goofy grin and said, so “Do you want to be right or happy?”  Which allowed me some space to see the humor, which opened up our communication and we could talk about this latest argument.  We talked about the workshop we did with Hugh and Gale Prather in Tucson, AZ back in 1989.  It was a relationship workshop and a central theme was Right or Happy.  Sigh – I usually want both.

The important realization I had  though, was that after talking at that mid-way point on the ride, I had such a better time on the second half of the ride.  Although I didn’t prove my point and make him see that he was wrong and I was right, I was so much happier after we were able to communicate through the difficulty and move on. The ability to communicate through it was the central key.  We both listened and tried to understand the others’ point of view – not to say that the other person was right or wrong, just to understand the other side and accept it as valid for that person.

Please don’t get me wrong, this is not an easy decision, and anyone who knows me – knows that I really like to be right!  But usually (always?)  in relationships there are two sides of a story, two experiences in an argument and both are usually valid depending on which angle you are viewing it from.  And yesterday, on the bike ride I viscerally felt the feeling . . . I’d rather be happy.  But damn, it is not always an easy decision.

For those of you who have not read Notes To Myself  by Hugh Prather – it is a beautiful book, well worth a read.  Here is a very short clip by Hugh Prather about Attitudinal Healing.

 

 

Please let me know your thoughts on Hugh Prather and any experiences you have being Right or Happy.

And as always thank you for taking the time to visit, I appreciate it.