The Best Version of Myself

“Be the Best Version of You”

– Brian Tracey


I am in the process of becoming the best version of myself. I love that image!

When I’m trying to make important decisions, I think to myself, will this move me toward becoming the best version of myself? It usually helps the decision making process a lot.

I’ve been using this to help me in the decision making process for awhile, so I was very happy to have this process affirmed in an article from The Happiness Institute.  In the article, Eric Barker interviewed Sonja Lyubomirsky.

Barker explains that research shows that thinking about your best possible self doesn’t just clarify goals — it can also make you happier just by thinking about it.

Lyubomirsky described an activity she did with her students:

Imagine your life in ten years and that your goals have been accomplished. You’re living your best possible life. Think about that in different domains. I did this once with students and they said to me, “I didn’t even know what my goals were.” So they were forced to articulate their goals. Some people said to me things like, “Yeah, I didn’t think my goals were feasible until I wrote about them,” and they realized there were concrete steps they could take.

A huge decision I had to make recently in my quest toward The Best Version of Me, was choosing the right publicist for my book, This Way Up: Seven Tools for Unleashing your Creative Self and Transforming your LifeI interviewed several publicists, and liked a few of them very much. It was not an easy decision. I eventually decided on Joanne McCall because I think her ideas and connections are most inline with the goals I have for me, my book, and ultimately for moving me toward that Best Version of Myself. Joanne’s portfolio is very impressive, including people like Melody Beattie, David Simon of the Chopra Center, and Brian Tracey! Brian Tracey has long been an advocate of striving toward being the best version of yourself.

So it is fitting to close with a short video of Tracey, Be the Best You

I’d love to hear about how you work toward being the best version of yourself.  And as always, thank you for taking the time to visit.  I appreciate it.

Tenacity!

“A professional writer is an amateur who didn’t quit.”

– Richard Bach


I love that quote by Richard Bach. The quote is attributed to him, he uses that line a lot, although he states he didn’t actually make it up. Either way, I love the quote and I like Richard Bach, so I’ll give him credit. And yes, if anyone ever asks me to speak about the writing process, I will quote Bach, because it’s true. I’m finally going to be a published author, the team at She Writes Press is designing cover ideas as I write this post.  My book will be published and out there very soon. And the reason that I will finally be a published author is because I didn’t quit. Tenacity! This has been a ten year process. It began at a bookstore, while I sat with my son Lukas, who was 12 at the time, having coffee and leafing through a stack of self-help books. He asked why I hadn’t written my own book. He said that I had been telling him that stuff in those books for years, and that I shouldn’t be reading other people’s work, but writing my own. I felt like a deer in headlights! If I didn’t start writing, I felt like my own sons would doubt what I had been saying for years:

Follow your dreams! You can do it!

Not to mention it would be a kind of betrayal to myself. So in early 2006, I started writing. Since then, there have been many permutations. I’ve felt despondent, hopeless, frustrated and very close to giving up. But I didn’t. When I felt close to throwing in the towel, I asked for help and advice; I put the book away for awhile; I read inspiring blogs about resilience and happiness and gratitude until I felt inspired to focus on it again. And I kept on going. Ultimately it’s down to tenacity. Don’t give up! A fitting, if rather whimsical closing – I’ll leave you with Bruno Mars singing Don’t Give Up – with the Muppets.

I’d love to hear about how you keep going, what has helped you not give up. And as always, thank you for taking the time to visit.  I appreciate it.

We are shaped by our thoughts . . . Full Circle

“We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think.”

– Buddha


 

We become what we think.  That is such an important concept.

Looking over my past 3 posts:

https://patticlark.wordpress.com/2012/05/23/who-was-your-teacher/

https://patticlark.wordpress.com/2012/05/25/moving-toward-authentic-self/

https://patticlark.wordpress.com/2012/05/28/moving-past-woundology-toward-authentic-self/

I see that I’ve come full circle.  We are shaped by our thoughts! To stay stuck in denial, repeating old self-defeating patterns of behavior, once we become aware of them, becomes unbearable.  So hopefully we seek new teachers and do our work to get some clarity and new healthier patterns of thought and behavior.  But then it’s so important not to stay stuck in that woundology either, because if we are shaped by our thoughts, those negative loops about our past keep us stuck in victim mentality and can become just as self-defeating.

S0 we need to pay attention to our thoughts. For if we become what we think –  (and honestly who are we to argue with Buddha!) – let’s become joyous beings, expansive and loving.

Here is a wonderful video about Dr. Masaru Emoto and his experiments with thought and water.  A physical representation of being shaped by thoughts:

 

 

Please let me know your thoughts on the Dr. Emoto video.

And as always thank you for taking the time to visit, I appreciate it.

 

 

Moving past Woundology toward Authentic Self

“Your biography becomes your biology.”

– Caroline Myss


Caroline Myss is a tour de force!  She is indeed a force to be reckoned with.  I credit her with a big portion of my healing.  She became the teacher that helped me to move through  Woundology – and move toward Authentic Self.

I didn’t plan for these last few posts to be a series, but they seem to have become that – a series exploring my teachers.

Shakti Gawain opened my eyes – helped wake me up and got me started on my path.
John Bradshaw helped me dig through the depths in the middle of my work
And Caroline Myss helped launch me out of the depths of my woundology and onto my path toward Authentic Self.
Caroline Myss coined the term “woundology” to describe how some people define themselves by their physical, emotional, or social wounds.  In Why People Don’t Heal and How They Can, Myss writes that many people hoping to heal “are striving to confront their wounds, valiantly working to bring meaning to terrible past experiences and traumas, and exercising compassionate understanding of others who share their wounds. But they are not healing. They have redefined their lives around their wounds and the process of accepting them. They are not working to get beyond their wounds. In fact, they are stuck in their wounds.” ( http://bolstablog.wordpress.com/2008/12/28/woundology/ )
I never planned to stay stuck in my woundolgy, I don’t think anyone does this consciously. I had to really pay attention to my inner dialogue, my conversations and my day to day focus to realize I was stuck.  I had to focus on changing my inner loop of thoughts.  As Mike Dooley points out daily in Notes From the Universe ( http://www.tut.com/ )
“Thoughts Are Things.  Choose Good Ones!”
So I invite all of you, pay attention to where your focus lies.  Is it on your wounds or the life in front of you?
I’ll close this post with one of my favorite videos of Caroline Myss.  It is a longer video, in 8 parts, but if you can make the time, it is well worth watching.

Please let me know your thoughts on the Caroline Myss video.  And I’d love to hear about your own journey toward Authentic Self.

As always thank you for taking the time to visit, I appreciate it.

Moving toward Authentic Self

“Our sadness is an energy we discharge in order to heal . . . Sadness is painful. We try to avoid it. Actually discharging sadness releases the energy involved in our emotional pain.  To hold it in is to freeze the pain within us.”

– John Bradshaw


I’m incredibly fortunate in that I get to work with my best friend.  We run workshops together through a charitable trust called Figjam Workshops.  I love my work!

http://www.figjamworkshops.co.nz/home

Part of what I really enjoy, aside from the facilitation which is wonderful, are the long drives to and from the workshops, where Deb and I drink coffee and have long, deep conversations.  On Friday, on the way home from a workshop, Deb and I were talking about Authentic Self; about healing old wounds, about dealing with old, deep trauma and abuse – about doing the deep work – the work to move from being stuck to finding one’s Authentic Self.  We both agree that doing one’s personal growth work is essential to one’s well-being.

And because Deb is a good friend and we trust each other, she felt safe enough to challenge me a bit, and I felt safe enough to listen.  She asked me about some of my posts on this blog.  She said that I make it sound like “being happy” is the answer, that all one has to do is decide to be happy and everything will be better.   She said in her opinion it sounded like I was saying just act happy, maybe journal a bit and everything will be OK.  And after looking over some of my past posts, I see she is right and I don’t feel like I am honoring Authentic Self.  I want to state here and now that I believe that any of us with past emotional scaring, trauma, or abuse need to acknowledge it and do the work.  Staying stuck, staying in denial and pretending that everything is just wonderful is not helpful.   Pasting on a smile and saying I will just be positive when the pain inside is unbearable does not work.

In my previous post,   Who Was Your Teacher:

https://patticlark.wordpress.com/2012/05/23/who-was-your-teacher/

I talked about finally getting to the point where partying and alcohol were no longer enough to numb the pain.  I was lucky enough to have a sister who cared enough to talk to me about her path and pass on a transformational book called Creative Visualization.  Yes I did read that book, and yes it did help me begin my journey.  But it is important to say that then I spent many years doing my own work.  I went to one on one counselling, I did psychodrama groups, I did group counselling and I went to more personal growth workshops than I can count.  I did deep, deep work. Most of it was not fun and a lot of the work was very painful, but all of it helped move me forward on my path.  I was and still am committed to growing and not staying stuck.

In order to make changes in the present and not stay stuck, we have to look at the past and understand what led us to our current situation. We need to work through and move through our feelings of pain and loss in order to move on. Please understand I am absolutely and positively a believer in Positive Psychology and finding happiness.  But it must be Authentic Happiness.  And in my opinion Authentic Happiness can only be obtained when we have done our work and touched our Authentic Self.

A great teacher and author who helped me move through a lot of my own past feelings of pain and loss is John Bradshaw.  I have included a video here of John Bradshaw on the Oprah Show.

 

 

Please let me know what you thought of John Bradshaw on Oprah.  And I’d love to hear about how you move toward Authentic Self.

As always thank you for taking the time to visit, I appreciate it.