Pause . . . to Help Joy Stick

Find a place inside where there’s joy, and the joy will burn out the pain.”
– Joseph Campbell 

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Following on from my last post – What Makes You Happy?  – I decided to explore the concept of Joy.  Many people, including myself, tend to use the terms happiness and joy interchangeably, but one psychology website describes the difference as:
Joy and happiness are wonderful feelings to experience, but are very different. Joy is more consistent and is cultivated internally. It comes when you make peace with who you are, why you are and how you are, whereas happiness tends to be externally triggered and is often based on other people, things, places, thoughts and events.

 

Tara Brach describes joy as the aliveness and openness that occurs when we let ourselves be available to the whole play of existence. It’s a natural capacity, in our wiring, and it can be cultivated.

Joy comes from a habit of thinking and can be a contributor to our bio chemistry. We sustain a joy set point, as it were, based on what we think about and focus on.

Deepak Chopra explains that when you activate a positive belief, your cells get the message.

 

One way to cultivate joy, is through gratitude. Studies have shown that gratitude changes the body/mind chemistry. So when you have an experience and you feel good because of that experience, take time and allow yourself to feel good; PAUSE and let it sink in — ‘install it.’

Rick Hanson suggests that we try to take in the good and make it stick. He explains that in order to create the trait — make it ‘stickier.’ Taking that time to pause gives it this stickiness.
“Scientists believe that your brain has a built-in “negativity bias.” In other words, as we evolved over millions of years, dodging sticks and chasing carrots, it was a lot more important to notice, react to, and remember sticks than it was for carrots.

That’s because — in the tough environments in which our ancestors lived — if they missed out on a carrot, they usually had a shot at another one later on. But if they failed to avoid a stick — a predator, a natural hazard, or aggression from others of their species — WHAM, no more chances to pass on their genes.

The negativity bias shows up in lots of ways. For example, studies have found that:

1. In a relationship, it typically takes five good interactions to make up for a single bad one.

2. People will work much harder to avoid losing $100 than they will work to gain the same amount of money.

3. Painful experiences are much more memorable than pleasurable ones.

In effect, the brain is like Velcro for negative experiences, but Teflon for positive ones. That shades “implicit memory” — your underlying expectations, beliefs, action strategies, and mood — in an increasingly negative direction.”

So with that negative bias in mind, we have to work a bit harder to push positivity into our implicit memory. But it is absolutely possible.

Some people quote Buddha as saying: “I wouldn’t be teaching this if genuine joy and happiness were not possible” I’m not sure if Buddha actually said that, but in the Karaniya Metta Sutta, Buddha did say

“Whatever living beings there may be — feeble or strong, long, stout, or of medium size, short, small, large —

may all beings have happy minds.”

So today, let’s work toward that happy mind, let’s choose joy and make it stickier.

I’ll close this post with a wonderful talk and meditation about Joy by Tara Brach. It’s a longer video, almost an hour, but well worth the time.  If you don’t have time to listen now, at least listen to her opening joke in the first couple of minutes.  It made me laugh.

 

I’d love to hear what brings you joy, and how you differentiate between happiness and joy.
And as always, thank you for taking the time to visit.  I appreciate it.
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Living Intentionally in 2018

Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?’

– Mary Oliver

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Are you a New Year’s Resolution kind of person? Do you set new goals and resolutions at the beginning of each year.  I explored this concept in my latest Thrive Global article.

I usually tend to be a goal-setter in the beginning of each year, sitting down quite purposely to set my goals as the new year unfolds. This year however, I decided to try something different and focus on intentions rather than goals.

Admittedly, goals are important, but I know personally that I can become much too goal-oriented and forget to be present in the moment. I have found that living intentionally is more peaceful and fulfilling than living in a goal-obsessed way.

Being more intentional helps me to focus on how I want to be in any given moment, no matter what else is going on around me. By focusing on my intentions, I am better able to stay centered; I don’t get as caught up in the roller coaster of whether I am getting things done and if I’m doing them ‘right’. It helps me to enjoy the journey and not get lost in getting to the destination.

David Emerald, author of TED — The Empowerment Dynamic, beautifully describes the differences between goals and intentions:

Goals are focused on the future. Intentions are in the present moment.

Goals are a destination or specific achievement. Intentions are lived each day, independent of reaching the goal or destination.

Goals are external achievements. Intentions are your inner-relationships with yourself and others.

As I thought about this new focus, I received an email from my publicist, Joanne McCall. In her email, she quoted Rabbi Daniel Cohen’s book, and put forth 5 questions:

 1. If you only had 24 hours to live, what would you do and why?
2. How would the world be different without you?
3. What values do you stand for and what is worth fighting for?
4. What five words would you want written on your headstone?
5. What will you do this year that is worthy of future memory?

The timing was perfect. I got out my journal and wrote; focusing not on what I

wanted to achieve, but rather on what I feel most passionate about; about my values rather than what I wanted to accomplish. These questions helped me focus on ideas that excite my spirit.

“Passion is energy. Feel the power that comes from focusing on what excites you.”
— Oprah Winfrey

So what will Living Intentionally look like for me?

1. Being quiet and focusing inward, checking in on how I feel rather than what I need to do.

What do I need, how do I feel? Focus in, don’t just react to what I should be doing, or what others expect me to do.

2. Trying to understand why

Look at what I’m doing and ask myself why I’m doing it. Ask myself what my intention is for each activity. Am I doing things out of obligation or love? When I understand my intention, it will help me do things with more joy and hopefully less fear.

3. Trying to live in flow rather than reaction

Finding flow is not always easy, it takes space and is usually intuitive. My intuition always guides me better than trying to reason my way, or worse, react my way through life. When I am in flow, life feels spacious and creative.

4. Moving away from micro-managing my life

When I’m feeling stressed and fearful, I tend to micro-manage my life (and often other people’s lives as well!) When I’m in flow and not trying to control, I can relax and not spend my time trying to figure out every detail. When I can move into a place of flow, I am so much more creative and open, and life just seems to go better.

 

So as 2018 unfolds, I invite you to take time to think about your intentions. Perhaps grab your journal and write about Rabbi Cohen’s five questions. Give yourself the space to listen to the call of your spirit.

“Respond to every call that excites your spirit.”
— Rumi

I’ll close with a wonderful video about The Power of Intention by the incomparable Deepak Chopra.

I’d love to hear about your goals and intentions for the new year.
And as always, thank you for taking the time to visit.  I appreciate it.

The Power of Forgiveness

“Not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die.”
― Anne Lamott

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Really exciting news – Arianna Huffington, renowned founder of Huffington Post, has launched a new venture called Thrive Global!

Thrive Global’s mission is to end the epidemic of stress and burnout by offering companies and individuals sustainable, science-based solutions to enhance both well-being and performance.

Recent science has shown that the pervasive belief that burnout is the price we must pay for success is a delusion. We know, instead, that when we prioritize our well-being, our decision-making, creativity and productivity improve dramatically.

Thrive Global’s three interconnected core components are: corporate trainings and workshops that bring the latest strategies and tools around health and well-being to organizations; a media platform that serves as the global hub for the conversation about well-being and performance with an emphasis on action; and, an e-commerce platform that offers a curated selection of the best technology and products for well-being. Together, the three components create an integrated platform that empowers people to make sustainable changes to their daily lives, going from knowing what to do to actually doing it.

Thrive Global is committed to accelerating the culture shift that allows people to reclaim their lives and move from surviving to thriving.

It is an amazing site and I urge you to check it out and if you are so inclined, sign up for their newsletter.  It’s helpful and healing.

I was honored to have an article about Forgiveness in their inaugural edition. And I’d like to share it here:

As we enter the holiday season, many of us will be joining family members and friends that we may not have seen in awhile. Time with family often dredges up old resentment and anger for a lot of us. And especially with the divisiveness of the past election, this holiday season may be rife with tension for many. When I think about the resentments I still carry around, I try to remember that forgiving those people I’m still angry at helps me, it’s for my own healing.

But I believe a lot of us get stuck on the idea of what forgiveness actually means. Forgiveness is defined as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether you believe they actually deserve your forgiveness. Remember the act of forgiving is for you the forgiver, not the person you are forgiving.

Forgiveness does not mean that you gloss over or deny the seriousness of an offence against you. It does not mean forgetting nor excusing what has been done. It does not mean you have to reconcile with the person or release them from legal accountability.

As Anne Lamott puts it: “Forgiveness means it finally becomes unimportant that you hit back. You’re done. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you want to have lunch with the person. If you keep hitting back, you stay trapped in the nightmare.” Forgiveness is for the forgiver. It brings the forgiver peace and hopefully freedom from anger.

I love Jack Kornfield’s definition of forgiveness:

Forgiveness is, in particular, the capacity to let go, to release the suffering, the sorrows, the burdens of the pains and betrayals of the past, and instead to choose the mystery of love. Forgiveness shifts us from the small separate sense of ourselves to a capacity to renew, to let go, to live in love.

Ok so forgiveness is for the forgiver, but why should we do it in the first place? What’s in it for me? Here are a few great reasons. The Mayo Clinicexplains that letting go of grudges and bitterness can make way for happiness, health and peace. Forgiveness can lead to:

  • Healthier relationships
  • Greater spiritual and psychological well-being
  • Less anxiety, stress and hostility
  • Lower blood pressure
  • Fewer symptoms of depression
  • Stronger immune system
  • Improved heart health
  • Higher self-esteem

We may accept that forgiveness is a good thing to practice in general, and can actually be good for our health, but how do we go about it? What exactly do we do? Fred Luskin is a pioneer in the science and practice of forgiveness. He offers us nine steps toward forgiveness:

1. Understand how you feel about what happened and be able to explain why the situation is not OK. Then discuss it with someone you trust.

2. Commit to yourself to feel better; remember forgiveness is for you and no one else.

3. Remember forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to reconcile with the person who upset you; it does not condone the action. In forgiveness you are seeking peace for yourself.

4. Recognize that the distress now is coming from the hurt feelings and physical upset you are currently suffering, not from what offended you or hurt you when it happened.

5. At the moment you feel upset, practice stress management to soothe your body’s fight or flight response. Take a deep breath.

6. Stop expecting things from other people that they do not choose to give you.

7. Put your energy into looking for another way to get your positive goals met than through the experience that has hurt you.

8. Remember that living well is the best revenge. Instead of focusing on your wounded feelings, and thereby giving power over you to the person who caused you pain, look for the love, beauty, and kindness around you. Put more energy into appreciating what you have rather than attending to what you do not have.

9. Amend the way you look at your past so you remind yourself of your heroic choice to forgive.

So if old resentment and anger is dredged up this holiday season, or if new frustrations and resentments emerge, remember letting go of the anger and practicing forgiveness is for your own peace of mind. Try taking a deep breath and walking away. It’s for your own good.

I’d like to close with a video that I love. It is worth watching again and again. A video by Jack Kornfield called The Ancient Heart of Forgiveness.

I hope you’ll take some time to watch this powerful video. I’d love to hear your thoughts about forgiveness, and how you manage to forgive those who have hurt you.  And as always, thank you for taking the time to visit.  I appreciate it.

Giving Voice to Your Courage

One isn’t necessarily born with courage, but one is born with potential. Without courage, we cannot practice any other virtue with consistency. We can’t be kind, true, merciful, generous, or honest.

– Maya Angelou

Giving voice to our courage. Such a wonderful concept. Thank you Dorit Sasson for the oportunity to be on your Blog Talk Radio Show.

What a wild ride I am currently on!  It is taking a helluva lot of courage at the moment as I navigate my way toward my publishing date. I am doing new things every day, facing new challenges and learning as I go.  This journey is not for the faint of heart, that’s for sure.

It is taking a courage I did not know I had – planning events, marketing myself, learning new things about how to use technology. Phew!  Thank goodness for my team behind me, helping me along the way. Thank God for my sons – teaching me about technology and guiding me as I learn. And thank you to people like Dorit that help me to get the word out about my book.

Thank you again to my son Lukas for getting my website set up – This Way Up Book.  On that site I will be listing events as they come up and I’ll be posting interviews as they happen.

Thank you to my son Devin for writing some music for me to use on my YouTube Page;  and to both Lukas and Devin for helping me get that page set up.  Watch this space as it evolves.

It’s all coming together, slowly but surely . . . running as fast as I can to keep up.

It’s a wild ride – but to be honest,  I am having a blast!

I’m going to close today in a slightly different way.  Instead of a You Tube Clip from someone else, I’m going to close with the Blog Talk Radio Interview with ME!  Feels surreal!

Please take the time to listen:

Giving Voice to Your Courage with Author Patti Clark

I’d love any feedback you have, and as always thanks for stopping by, I appreciate it.

 

 

Meditation, Intuition, Inspiration and Changing Behavior

“The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift. We will not solve the problems of the world from the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.”

– Albert Einstein


The final point in  Neuroplasticity and getting rid of bad habits, involves hooking into your highest self through meditation to find inspiration and support:

9. Connect with your Higher Source for inspiration and support.

10. Transform and make the shift.

I have written many posts about meditation and neuroplasticity, two of my favorites are Your Brain on Meditaion and Meditation and Happiness. Meditation creates new neural pathways and brain changes. Many studies have been done to show meditation’s effect on neural circuits of the brain.

The Center for Investigating Healthy Minds (CIHM) is doing ground-breaking work on the subject of Meditation and the brain.  Dr. Richard Davidson is world renowned:

Richard J. Davidson, PhD, is a renowned neuroscientist and one of the world’s leading experts on the impact of contemplative practices, such as meditation, on the brain. He is the founder and chair of the Center for Investigating Healthy Minds at the Waisman Center, University of Wisconsin-Madison.

He is perhaps best known for his groundbreaking work in studying emotion and the brain. A friend and confidante of the Dalai Lama, he is a highly sought after expert and speaker internationally. Time magazine named him one of the most influential people in the world.

As Einstein so eloquently puts it – We will not solve the problems of the world from the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.  And studies have shown the same is true with old habits we want to break.  The way to change behavior calls for a different level of thinking than when they were created.

There is an excellent article on Belief.net on how to strengthn your intuition by Dr. Kristen Harrell, well worth a read.

And finally the transformation.  This is usually gradual and can often be frustrating not to see changes immediately. The important thing here is to pay attention. The changes may be subtle, but the brain is changing and so are the habits.

I’d like to close with a great talk by Dr. Richard Davidson.  It’s a long one, over an hour, but really excellent.  If you want to change behavior, of all the videos on neuroplasticity, this is the one to watch!

Transform Your Mind, Change Your Brain:  Neuroplasticity and Personal Transformation

 

 

I’d love to hear about any bad habits you’ve broken, and how you changed the behavior.  I’d also love to hear your thoughts on this video.  And as always, thank you for taking the time to visit.  I appreciate it.

 

Cancel Cancel . . . Interrupt Your Negative Thoughts!

So often time it happens, we all live our life in chains, and we never even know we have the key

– The Eagles (‘Already Gone’)


Yes habits are hard to break, but as the Eagles remind us, we have the key to break those habits and stop living our life in chains. Continuing the posts on Neuroplasticity and getting rid of bad habits, looking at steps five and six:

5. Interrupt your thoughts and patterns when they arise.

6. Use aversion therapy.

About 20 years ago, I did my first Silva Method Course, and I don’t think it would be an exaggeration to say it changed my life.  It is a powerful system to help people understand how to use tools to change their thinking for the better – and that includes getting rid of bad habits.  I have written past posts about my experience at Silva.

Laura Silva describes using Cancel Cancel:

Cancel Cancel – This is the Silva Method technique I use more often than any other. When you go to your level, one of the post-hypnotic suggestions you can give yourself is that when you hear a negative comment or a pessimistic point of view, you say “cancel cancel” to yourself, and when you do, the negativity will have no influence over you. It’s kind of like a mental cloak of protection. For example, when I hear someone say, “Well that tends to happen as you get older,” I think to myself, “cancel cancel.” I don’t want to be influenced by such limiting or negative beliefs.

I use Cancel Cancel all the time, mostly for my own negative thinking.  And after learning more about  what Rick Hanson explains about Self-Directed Neuroplasticity, by saying Cancel Cancel, and shifting my negative thoughts, or thoughts about taking part in a habit I am trying to break, I know that I am shifting an old neural pathway and creating and strengthening a new neural pathway leading toward a more positive behaviour.

In terms of point six, instead of aversion therapy as described in the original article I read, I choose to redirect my thinking. I personally think ‘aversion therapy’ is harsh, but in terms of neural pathways and habit breaking, redirecting thoughts leads to the creation of new neural pathways and again back to Self-Directed Neuroplasticity.

If you have time, attached below is a fascinating set of slides by Rick Hanson explaining this process.

SlidesNeuroplasticity

I’ll close with a YouTube clip of an old interview with Jose and Laura Silva.

 

 

I’d love to hear about any bad habits you’ve broken, and how you changed the behavior.  And I’d love to hear any stories about how you interrupt your negative thoughts or behaviours .   And as always, thank you for taking the time to visit.  I appreciate it.

Using Your Imagination to Break Bad Habits

“I do believe, and I have seen in my own life, that Creative Visualization works!”

– Oprah Winfrey


Continuing the posts on Neuroplasticity and getting rid of bad habits.   Now on to step four:

4. Use your imagination.

Creative Visualization is one of my favorite topics!  Using Creative Visualization works.  It is a tool for what  Dr. Rick Hanson calls self-directed neuroplasticity

You can build new neural pathways not only with new behaviors, but through the imagination. Just imagine the new behaviors over and over and over. Keep repeating that in your mind so you build new pathways. Focus your mind and retrain your brain.

The woman who wrote the book Creative Visualization,  Shakti Gawain explains that:

“Creative visualization is the technique of using your imagination to create what you want in your life.  There is nothing new, strange or unusual about creative visualization. You are already using it every day, every minute in fact . . . whether or not you are aware of it.”

I have written about Visualization many times.  But my favorite story comes from a post I did in September 2012:

I remember the first time that I was actually aware that I had used visualization. It was at my 10 year high school reunion.  As I mentioned above, this was way before I did any of the work around personal growth.  The reason I became aware of it is that before the reunion, I thought to myself, it would be really cool to get ready with a group or my friends, have a few drinks around a pool somewhere and laugh and get dressed and put on make up together.  I saw the picture really clearly in my mind, I could picture a group of us laughing and having fun prior to the actual reunion – all sitting in the sun around a pool.  The problem was, I was picturing this from Japan where I was working at the time, and I had lost contact with most of my friends from high school.  When I went home for the reunion, I called my old high school friend Carol (whom I had not seen in almost 10 years) and she offered – how about if we all get ready over at my house, and we made a plan.  I had never been to the house that she now shared with her partner.  Carol called a few old friends and we met at her house in the afternoon before the reunion.  And when I walked through her house and got to the back yard, there in front of me was the vision I had pictured – four other friends from HS, all sitting around the pool, drinking cocktails and laughing.  It was exactly as I had pictured it from Japan!  It was eerie! But it was incredibly powerful, and luckily, I paid attention.  Several years later when I first read Gawain’s book, I got chills and thought – yes!  That’s what happened!  And again luckily, I paid attention. That’s an important piece – paying attention.

So when I want to break old habits and build new neural pathways, practicing self-directed neuroplasticity, I use Creative Visualization. Like Oprah Winfrey, I know it works!

I’ll close with a clip from Shakti Gawain about Creative Visualization.

 

 

I’d love to hear about any bad habits you’ve broken, and how you changed the behavior.  And if you do use Creative Visualization, I’d love to hear any stories you have.   And as always, thank you for taking the time to visit.  I appreciate it.

 

Thriving with Gratitude

“I’ve come to believe that living in a state of gratitude is the gateway to grace.”

It is strange to be known so universally and yet to be so lonely.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/a/alberteins133182.html#cRzVZOHjpM8tGpjB.99

Arianna Huffington


Can Gratitude help you thrive?

Arianna Huffington believes so.  In her new book Thrive, Huffington redefines success and describes how to create a life of well-being, wisdom and wonder.

Huffington explains that:

“Grace and gratitude have the same Latin root, gratus. Whenever we find ourselves in a stop-the-world-I-want-to-get-off mindset, we can remember that there is another way and open ourselves to grace. And it often starts with taking a moment to be grateful for this day, for being alive, for anything.”

Personally, when I find myself stuck in a negative mind loop, where I am focused on something negative, causing me to stress out and stay stuck in fear, the best way out for me is by going through my gratitude list. In my 7 Tools for Transformation, Tool 6 is: Gratitude for what you have NOW.

I personally start with my relationships, focusing on my wonderful sons always cheers me up! And the love of my husband, my sister and my friends.  Then I move on to my health, there is so much to be grateful for when contemplating one’s health: feeling vibrantly fit and healthy, having a sharp mind, limbs that work, eyes that can see a gorgeous sunset, a sense of smell to enjoy freshly baked bread. Then I move on to my home, my job, my lifestyle.  Everyone’s list will be different.  But one thing is for sure, when I am focused on what I am grateful for, my mood lifts every time! When I start focusing on my gratitude list, I cannot stay stuck in a negative mind masturbation loop, anxiously focusing on fear, it just isn’t possible.  Even if it starts out feeling a bit forced or ‘by rote’ – the shift in my head space by the end of the exercise is amazing.  I urge you to try it next time you “find yourself in a stop-the-world-I-want-to-get-off mindset.”

I have attached two interviews with Arianna Huffington about her new book.

The first one is a “Talk at Google” and is relatively long and in depth.

 

For those of you with less time, the second interview is with Ellen DeGeneres and is only 6 minutes.

 

Please let me know what you thought of these videos, and if you’ve read Thrive,  I’d love to hear what you thought of the book.  Or if you’d like to share what you are grateful for today, that always makes me happy! And as always, thank you for taking the time to visit.  I appreciate it.

 

 

 

 

 

Parenthood – Truly Understanding Love


“What it’s like to be a parent: It’s one of the hardest things you’ll ever do but in exchange it teaches you the meaning of unconditional love.”

― Nicholas Sparks


What better lesson of real love than parenting?

I have just had an incredible two weeks with my husband Jeff.  Reconnecting and being together has been wonderful.  I have loved every minute of it!  But honestly, the most gratifying part for me was being able to parent together again.  Watching my partner, my children’s father, be together with our children again was truly the best part of our time together. Two weeks was not long enough.  However the time that Jeff spent walking on the beach with our boys, playing guitar with our boys and having conversations and connecting as a family again was priceless. The time flew by much too quickly, but it was rich and so heart-warming.

What can anyone say about parenting that hasn’t already been said?  It is the most rewarding thing anyone can do.  It is hard and painful at times, and the most joyous thing that one can experience.  It is Love in action.

In this moving TED Talk, Andrew Solomon explores parenting on a different level:

“What is it like to raise a child who’s different from you in some fundamental way (like a prodigy, or a differently abled kid, or a criminal)? In this quietly moving talk, writer Andrew Solomon shares what he learned from talking to dozens of parents — asking them: What’s the line between unconditional love and unconditional acceptance?”

 

 

Please take the time to watch this wonderful TED talk. I’d love to hear your thoughts on it. And as always, thank you for stopping by.  I appreciate it.

Compassion, Connection and Unity

“The biggest disease today is not leprosy or tuberculosis…it is the lack of love and charity; the terrible indifference towards one’s neighbor.”

– Mother Teresa


Bishop Desmond Tutu once said,  “The best way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time.”  We have to start somewhere to start healing our world. In I AM the Documentary, Tom Shadyac asks the important questions:  What’s wrong with our world? And what can we do about it?

Through wonderful, insightful interviews with Bishop Desmond Tutu, Noam Chomsky, Lynne McTaggart, Thom Hartmann, Howard Zinn and David Suzuki to name just a few, Shadyac explores what we can do to heal our world. Everyone interviewed agrees:

“This is the most profound discovery in all of physics.”

“The science shows us that we are all connected.”

“What we do at the individual level, really does affect the global environment.”

We really are deeply connected, and with compassion, we will experience unity.  And when we experience that deep sense of unity, I believe we wil begin to heal our world.

Bishop Desmond Tutu asks us to “Do your little bit of good where you are; it’s those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world.”  We can all start today.

The Shift is About to Hit the Fan!  All Aboard!

Have you seen I AM the documentary – if so, I’d love to hear what you thought of it.  And as always, thank you for stopping by.  I appreciate it.