Replacing Negative Self-Chatter

“We cannot always control our thoughts, but we can control our words, and repetition impresses the subconscious, and we are then master of the situation.”
― Florence Scovel Shinn

I love that idea – that repetition impresses the subconscious, and we are then master of the situation.  I can’t always control my thoughts, and sometimes my thoughts are not fun.  But I can try to replace them, and sometimes I just talk louder than my thoughts and drown them out!

Here is the first exercise from my book This Way Up: Seven Tools for Unleashing Your Creative Self and Transforming Your Life – from Part Two – The Workbook – Week One, Day Three.

This exercise is about replacing negative self-chatter with deliberate, conscious words.  When I’m feeling really scared and small, and fear is all I can feel, sometimes I stomp my feet and yell the words!  . . . *yeah and it’s true – sometimes I just curl up in fetal position and hide…  But when I am able to unfurl from fetal, then I stomp my feet and yell!

Here is the exercise from the workbook – Week One – Day Three.

I hope you enjoy it, and I hope it helps.

 

 

Please let me know if it is helpful at all for you in replacing negative chatter.  And as always thanks for stopping by, I appreciate it.

This Way Up – An Introduction to the Workbook Exercises

“Fortunate are those who take the first steps.”
― Paulo Coelho

I have had several women contact me that are working through Part Two – The Workbook in my book This Way Up: Seven Tools for Unleashing Your Creative Self and Transforming Your Life.

I know it can be hard to read the visualizations and exercises alone and try to remember them, so I’m here to help.

I will record and upload each visualization. They will be available on my You Tube Page  and on my

website www.thiswayupbook.com and on my Facebook Page. . . . You’ll find me everywhere!  You won’t be able to get away from me!

I do hope they are helpful.

 

Please let me know if you find the exercises helpful as I post them, and as always thank you for taking the time to visit. I appreciate it.

 

 

Double Empty Nest? Triple Empty Nest!

“All alone! Whether you like it or not, alone is something you’ll be quite a lot!”
― Dr. Seuss


It is Thursday, April 28th 2016 and I am here to coin a new phrase that I haven’t heard talked about much online, but seems to be a very real phenomenon among 50 – 65 year old women. Triple Empty Nest

We were known as the Sandwich Generation – taking care of teens as well as taking care of our elderly parents.  Then most of us Baby Boomer women started experiencing Empty Nest in a big way as our children went off to college or out to work or travel.  But many of us still had elderly parents that we were caring for, people are living longer, and we were there to take care of our parents.  Now most of “The Greatest Generation” are dead or dying.  Many women in the workshops I run speak with sadness of being hit twice – once as their children leave home, then again as their aging parents die. The Sandwich Generation has become Un-Sandwiched.

But now, many women are hit with “Triple Empty Nest” as I am calling it. This triple hit is a result of children leaving home, parents dying and then experiencing what has become known as “The Gray Divorce Revolution.”  In the last few years, there has been an enormous increase in the divorce rate among the 50 – 65 year-old set. So many couples over 50 are ending marriages that the media have coined the term – The Gray Divorce Revolution.

In the U.S., one-quarter of all divorces now involve people over 50. And there is a similar trend in Canada, the UK, across Europe,  Japan, Australia and New Zealand. It’s important to note that the overall divorce rate is actually going down, but it is spiking in the 50 and older set.

This phenomenon seems to be most problematic for women; one reason for this seems to be because the timing of Empty-Nest is a common point of marital breakdown. After years of looking after loved ones, of being a ‘good wife and mother’ and constantly focusing outside themselves, women lose touch with their own desires and needs, and they often struggle with feeling purposeless and directionless. It is very easy to fall into a sense of listlessness and ‘stuck-ness’ when a woman suddenly finds herself divorced and alone in an empty nest. And this is compounded by feelings of insecurity and a loss of self-esteem when the cause of this empty nest is divorce in middle age.

If you are experiencing Empty Nest, Double Empty Nest or Triple Empty Nest – I would love to hear from you.  You can contact me via my website:  www.thiswayupbook.com

It’s a very real phenomenon, and I’d love to help.

I look forward to hearing from you.

I’d like to close with a You Tube Video I’ve done about this very topic.

 

 

I’d love to hear about your experience with Empty Nest or Double or even Triple Empty Nest and how you are coping with it. And as always thanks for stopping by, I appreciate it.

 

 

 

It’s here at last – Publication Day!

“Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don’t give up.”
– Anne Lamott

Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope …

My book is published today, April 26th 2016!  My book, This Way Up: Seven Tools for Unleashing Your Creative Self and Transforming Your Life, my very own book!  This Way Up took ten years to write, 10 years.  There were plenty of times when I was in the dark and all I had left of this dream of publication was stubborn hope.  It was not an easy journey.  I began the book because my son Lukas, at age 12 challenged me to.  I felt backed into a corner, I knew I had to put my money where my mouth was or I would feel like everything I had been saying to my sons for years was a lie.  So I started writing.

I started writing and deleting; and feeling not good enough to write a book and feeling like a fraud.  When I finally finished my first draft about 5 years later, I started looking for an agent.  Oh my God – talk about sitting in the dark with nothing but hope! I had months and months of rejection letters, too many to count, the darkness got darker, the hope fainter.

Then finally I found an agent in London, I signed a contract and I was over the moon!  Now, I thought, now the hard work is over, I have someone else to do my work and get my book out there. It took over a year, lots of frustration and more darkness, but finally my agent was able to land a publication deal with a small publisher in London.  I was thrilled. I celebrated and believed the time had come.

About a year later, after jumping through hoops, working with an editor and inching closer, my agent decided he didn’t want to be an agent anymore, that the publishing landscape had changed too much and was not working for him anymore, so I lost my agent and lost the deal with the publishing company that he had handled.  I was back to square one, and decided I couldn’t do it anymore.

Then about two weeks later I heard a small, still voice in my head while I was meditating; the voice instructed me to ask an old college friend who lived in LA for help.  I wasn’t that close to her, and had not been in close contact with her for years.  But we were friends on Facebook, and I have learned to trust that small voice, it rarely leads me astray.  So I messaged her and she messaged back the next day.  She recommended She Writes Press.  I had never heard of them, but when I read about them, my pulse quickened.  They sounded perfect –  the website describes SWP as: A publisher of books – for, by and about women!  I contacted Brooke Warner, one of the founders of SWP, and we scheduled a Skype.  She said my book sounded like a good fit for SWP.  I signed a contract and I started working with the amazing women at She Writes.

I still had a steep climb though, luckily the climb was accompanied by some truly magnificent women:  Brooke Warner, a power house and visionary; Annie Tucker, editor extraordinaire; and a host of truly talented authors.  The fellowship of authors at SWP is fantastic, they are generous of spirit, freely give advice and tips and we cheer each other on every step of the way.  I am grateful beyond measure that I ended up with such a wonderful publishing house.

And now, today April 26, 2016, my book is here.  It is truly a labor of love; and an extreme act of faith that kept me going.  I believed that if I just kept showing up and kept moving in the direction of my dream that the dawn would come. And it did. So I am here to tell all of you – Don’t give up!  Keep moving in the direction of your dreams, whatever they are.

I’d like to close with a video that is very close to my heart. My very first video that I’ve ever uploaded on to You Tube.  It continues to be a steep learning curve!

 

I’d love to hear about your dreams and what helps you to keep moving forward.  And as always thanks for stopping by, I appreciate it.

 

GNH – The Movement!

“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony”
– Mahatma Gandhi

Gross National Happiness has become a movement!

This message, the movement is about happiness and well-being that comes from living in harmony with nature, living in harmony and balance with others around you, and being in touch with your deepest sense of self, your highest wisdom, which transends culture and boundaries that are man made.  Possibly our best way forward in our survival as a planet.  It is about our truest, deepest sense of self in unity with all others.

Tho Ha Vinh, program director of the GNH Center in Bhutan describes GNH like this:

GNH is a kind of medicine, to heal the illness of our times. The first message of GNH is about reconnecting with our natural environment – in a way that we acknowledge, respect and value the sacredness and the interconnectedness of all life forms.  The second message of GNH addresses the economic crisis, which is more of an ethical and moral crisis than an economic crisis, so the second message is about creating a caring economy, an economy based on altruism and compassion; collaboration rather than competition and destruction. The third message of GNH is reconnecting with ourselves, with our deepest highest potential.

What a beautiful message. What an amazing philosophy.  It is believed that a lot of the meaninglessness that we experience in modern life is a direct consequence of our disconnection with nature, with others, and most importantly with ourselves.

It is time to reconnect with self. That is the beginning. It feels impossible to change the world! How can we get anyone in power to focus on GNH instead of GNP?  But it starts with ourselves, today it starts with me!

Thank you Jayne for sharing this with me, she’s always there to help, and I really appreciate her friendship!

Please take the time to watch this wonderful video. It’s so inspiring!

 

 

I’d love to hear what you thought of the video, and as always thanks for stopping by, I appreciate it.

Holy Curiosity!

“Be a loner. That gives you time to wonder, to search for the truth. Have holy curiosity. Make your life worth living.”
– Albert Einstein

Have holy curiosity!  What a wonderful way to express it – holy curiosity to make your life worth living.

Liz Gilbert describes curiosity:

“Curiosity is a tiny tap on the shoulder — a little whisper in the ear that says, “Hey, that’s kind of interesting…”  The trick is to just follow your small moments of curiosity. It doesn’t take a massive effort. Just turn your head an inch. Pause for a instant. Respond to what has caught your attention. Look into it a bit. Is there something there for you? A piece of information? For me, a lifetime devoted to creativity is nothing but a scavenger hunt — where each successive clue is another tiny little hit of curiosity. Pick each one up, unfold it, see where it leads you next. Small steps . . .”

I love that. Have holy curiosity; follow those small moments of curiosity; listen to that quiet little whisper in the ear; turn your head just a little bit to see what caught your attention out of the corner of your eye. Pay Attention!

I have been talking a lot about paying attention lately, about following that little whisper.  I’ve been having to practice what I preach as I put myself out there in the world.

Last week my book, This Way Up: Seven Tools for Unleashing Your Creative Self and Transforming Your Life,  became available early on Amazon!  Publishing date is April 26th, but Amazon released it early.  This is very exciting on the one hand, but I wasn’t quite ready, I felt cheated somehow; I went to Amazon to check on something unrelated to my publishing date, and there on the page it said: “In stock and ready to ship!”  Suddenly I felt like I was on the back foot and needed to do more and move faster.

So I have been actively promoting my book and researching with holy curiosity different places for interviews and promotion.  It is not for the faint of heart, I assure you.

Today I had a wonderful interview on Artist First Radio with host Tony Kay, President of the ArtistFirst Radio Network.  It was such fun to be interviewed and to talk about my book for a whole hour.

I’ll close today with the interview.  It is an hour, so it does take a bit of a commitment to listen to the whole thing.  But if you can please do take the time to listen.

 

I’d love any feedback you have, and as always thanks for stopping by, I appreciate it.