Be kind to yourself – it’s good for you!

“You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.”

 

– Buddha


Why is it that we are so often our own worst enemy? Why do we all find it so hard to be kind to ourselves. Why is it that so many of us cannot accept the simple truth that you yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.

I just had a long conversation with a good friend of mine about this.  We both agreed that it can be an absolute nightmare to live in one’s head.  We always seem to be our worst critic.  On the heels of that conversation, I read a great article and watched a really helpful video on a wonderful site I’ve mentioned several times:  Greater Good.

Kristin Neff, Ph.D believes in a healthier way of relating to oneself.

The relentless search for high self-esteem has become a virtual religion; and a tyrannical one at that. Our competitive culture tells us we need to be special and above average to feel good about ourselves, but we can’t all be above average at the same time. There is always someone richer, more attractive, or successful than we are. And even when we do manage to feel self-esteem for one golden moment, we can’t hold on to it. Our sense of self-worth bounces around like a ping-pong ball, rising and falling in lock-step with our latest success or failure.

Fortunately, there is an alternative to self-esteem that many psychologists believe is a better and more effective path to happiness: self-compassion

So what exactly is self-compassion.  Neff describes it as having three components:

Self-Kindness vs Self-Judgement

Common Humanity vs Isolation

Mindfulness vs Over Identification

There are several video clips by Kristin Neff that are all worth watching.  I’m attaching this clip as a wonderful introduction as to why self-compassion is so important to all of us. Because as the Dalai Lama reminds us:

If you don’t love yourself, you cannot love others, you will not be able to love others.
If you have not compassion for yourself then you are not able to develop compassion for others.

 

I’d love to hear how you show yourself self-compassion.

And as always, thank you for taking the time to visit.  I appreciate it.

 

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11 thoughts on “Be kind to yourself – it’s good for you!

  1. Fortunately I’m of a type that can’t settle down if my boat isn’t sailing on an even keel. W ether external or internal issues,, I need to be right in my heart before I can rest., and if that means putting everything else on the back burner until I have taken care of myself, so be it. I have learned with age that I am my greatest priority. It’s a beautiful, wet, sunny, Fall morning in the Sierra’s- wish you could see it. Thanx for the blog and I can’t wait to read your book. Love Ya

    Like

    • Hi Doug, once again thank you for your insightful comment. I can’t yet say that I have learned with age that I am my greatest priority, but I am learning. As my youngest son gets ready to leave for university in a few short months, the learning becomes more intense!
      Wish I could see the beautiful area you call home, and I wish you could see the gorgeous Spring day here, the blue sky and the deep blue sea just outside my window.
      Thanks again Doug.
      Love you back.

      Like

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